emmythefemmie

Another Fucking Growth Opportunity A few weeks ago, the Women’s Resource Center at the University of Utah shut down along with the LGBT Resource Center and Black Cultural Center. This was the university’s dubious response to the equally dubious law, HB 261, which demonizes programs and services based on “individual characteristics.” You know, those pesky little adjectives like Black, female, gay, etc. that are so inconvenient for a majority white, majority Mormon, patriarchal society like the one I call home. I was a client at the WRC for multiple years and attended a support group called Body Politics. I entered their doors believing that disordered eating and the fucked up mental baggage that went along with it was my cross to bear and left with a systems-level understanding of why I and so many other women and femmes waste our time and energy worrying about things as trivial as the number on the scale. The WRC was also the catalyst for me entering my chosen profession, social work. ...

Purgatory A waiting place Hierarchy sings Discordant tunes Hum a tune in the waiting place Truth in the tween spaces The fairy hills Scarlet threads Turned golden Skill, time, patience Space Hanging there Kicking each other Striking gently Hell just wants for a hug Left  Right The extremes the same  Arguing in a mirror Can you see? Can you see? How will they know? I must tell them. People save themselves Finding their way through How will they know? Well they have the interwebs too And libraries Friends Enemies If they want saving They'll do it themselves Best to straighten you own curves Tend your own Speak your piece Fit it all together You'll find Only what you look for Is there any greater indication that you've past the point than pointedly making one that doesn't belong to you? Sharing not what is self but sharing to prove something. Here I know the answers! I see so clearly what your problem is. Miss fix it would do well to fix herself...a cuppa something or othe...

Miss Fix It Stuck in it The muddy middle Just need to sit with it Play Make a mud pie Put it in my barbie car to dry Play  Pray Silence Speak Feel the feels Don't be meek Taking hold of hates hand I drag it to a midnight cigarette Thank it  It's welcome  It'll leave when it's ready Speaking without words He teaches me daily Do you see? Do you see? Walking up mountains Enamored with the view So high To prove a point Means you've missed it The point is here Pointless on another level Babble  Rabble Roam And Loam Feet on the ground Grounded like a teenager I think I'll go to my room Energy out Such dancing Such rage Opposition to fuel change Worthy opponents Pirate's games Pieces and parts All one  Fractals shifting view Overthinking the sun is in view The older I get the less I'm about doing other people's work. I'll work with you on a combined project. For sure, wait there  I'll get my tools. Doing other people's emotional work. Damn. All ...

My love in curves My love in smiles My love in sighs I traced her curves once Figure study Rounded Plump The way my hand moved on curves A mark here Then I cried She was so beautiful She looked a lot like me Not slim Made to size Made to fit Just herself Just happy Strange love To love body as other Someone in need The body as consort Not less A creature of dirt Dark Gritty Lovely Explore the neck The shoulders The jaw The tension Locked in tight Remembering Curled into my self Bent like a pretzel High as hell He just smiled  And asked what ya doing there? No judgements Just okay then Grateful for this time Happy in my body Watching my mind circle I'll let my sprit fly Let it go But keep the bright bits And the smiles Remembering Cells singing Old songs Calls Warning bells All things Here in the warm darkness All things I spoke the words Tried to love I thought I believed convinced somewhat there is thinking then there is knowing Then the devil detail of thinking you know Oh no no ...

I've heard when the student is ready the teacher appears. Or perhaps like teaching toddlers a new skill it's all repetition. The same thing reappears until you learn it. So right now I'm teaching potty training. My son is teaching me how to pay attention, and how to have patience. How to make fun out of rather tedious situations that are well...kinda shitty in a literal sense. I won't go to much into detail because that seems more of his story then mine. He might not thank me later for detailing the accounts of potty training on a blog, so we'll leave the deets out. What I'm learning from him is that the things and people we love flourish with our attention. That's how we love. We pay attention. People all want to be seen. To belong. To have their needs met so they feel safe. Even with all the messiness that comes with it. People want others to be themselves. Be real. It's been a real challenge to focus my attention. A lot of work. A lot of meditation, t...

It blew in on the wind that day. A sweet, cold, spring wind. A wheel returning again. Listen. Remember the quaking of the leaves in summer? Listen. What a body needs to tell   Then the paradoxical refrain repeats One bright day in the middle of the night Two dead boys got up to fight Back to back they faced each other Ask the blind man he saw it too   Come all ye cloud people. You're too full of your self Time to rain it down The earth is thirsty for your teaching. Violent storms are coming Wither and weather Each to each other   Willows grow in wild lands Fed by rain, and gritty dirt. nourished by the earth seed blown in on the wind Root and stem To become earth once again   Rise up the metal of the earth Hard Strong unbending Make us tools to fight Back to back we will face each other   All returns All made and is unmade All is so really unreal   The she lives in the tween spaces That's where truth is None better None worse Grey lady   A thread in th...