The Muddy Middle

Miss Fix It

Stuck in it

The muddy middle

Just need to sit with it

Play

Make a mud pie

Put it in my barbie car to dry

Play 

Pray

Silence

Speak

Feel the feels

Don't be meek

Taking hold of hates hand

I drag it to a midnight cigarette

Thank it 

It's welcome 

It'll leave when it's ready

Speaking without words

He teaches me daily

Do you see?

Do you see?

Walking up mountains

Enamored with the view

So high

To prove a point

Means you've missed it

The point is here

Pointless on another level

Babble 

Rabble

Roam

And Loam

Feet on the ground

Grounded like a teenager

I think I'll go to my room

Energy out

Such dancing

Such rage

Opposition to fuel change

Worthy opponents

Pirate's games

Pieces and parts

All one 

Fractals shifting view

Overthinking

the sun is in view

The older I get the less I'm about doing other people's work. I'll work with you on a combined project. For sure, wait there  I'll get my tools. Doing other people's emotional work. Damn. All that does is exhaust you and cripple them. It creates confusion. There is nothing wrong with conflict. There is nothing wrong with talking about feelings. It's crucial. It's important. It doesn't mean you're right. In fact many times I miss the point entirely. 

Why do women do the work the rightfully men should be doing? Because if everything depends on a man. It makes sense. Historically hell it would have been a matter of survival. To watch. To anticipate. To tend. To mend. To try and find a limited sense of peace and power in a world where all your rightful power was taken. But in today's world, in this time, it's counter productive. The lessons woman learn from our culture are toxic to our wellbeing and relationships, all relationships not just romantic ones. One of the most useful books I've read in the last couple of years is The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner PhD. Once you see the power dynamics. You can't stop seeing them. Biggest take away any problem you have is your problem. Which also means you are your own solution which is handy. I also like that it details a lot of synerios where those power dynamics play out. Super useful book. I've read it about 3 times in the past couple of years. Game charger for me.

Claiming my power seems all the more crucial. Claiming by trusting myself enough to be myself. Forgiving myself for the fuck ups, or as I'm trying to see them lessons and challenges or pivot points. Oh so many lessons and challenges lately. Maybe I just make shit way harder than it needs to be. Could be. 

How to make things easier?

I guess just keep doing what I'm doing?

I feel like I'm headed the right direction. I just keep tripping over myself. Or tripping on myself. Poor clumsy feet. Well thanks for listening. Off to bed with me. Poor brain has brained enough for one day methinks. Stay shiny friends!