To my Sons

Post inspired by: Letters to a Young Muslim - Omar Saif Ghobash

To my Sons,

As you walk through life people will guide. They are just that, just guides. Even me. Even your dad. It's hard sometimes to discern why someone comes into your life. What they have to teach. Always look to your own heart to claim your path. Always know that we are here. That we always love you. 

You are both so different. I compare you often.  Seeing contrast. There is a lot of strength in diversity. Different not less. I love your differences. I think there is a possibility of you struggling to understand each other. I see that even now with you both so little. Both so strong in your own ways. I hope you remember to love each other, to have fun together, to learn from each other. Find the strength and beauty in your separateness.

Knowing yourself is the greatest gift. To yourselves. To others. Take the time to know yourself. To know what you want. Be fearless in your questions to yourself. Because there is nothing to fear inside of yourself. You go down deep enough and there is only quiet and knowing love. You are worthy because you are here. It's a birthright. It's not anything anyone can give or take away.

Your parents love you. We try. But we are imperfect. We are flawed. You will have to grapple with that one day. Know that you belong to yourself. That you could never go anywhere where our love won't be there with you. Love can also be a restraining thing. It can stop you from living your god given truth. Never use loyalty as an excuse to be less than you are. You belong. Just as you are. 

Stand up for what you believe but, be cautious of falling for your own bullshit. Cultivate friendships and connections where truth and love hold you. A real friend will be honest with you. True friends will hold space for you to be your full self. Don't hide yourself. It feels like protection but all you create is a cage. Be free my loves.

Be generous in your thoughts about people, especially if they confuse, annoy, or anger you. This is most always because you have something to learn from them, or something to heal in yourself. Everyone struggles. We usually only know part of the story. Everyone is having a human experience full of intricacies and nuance. Know that you don't know, and can't know what is right for another person.

Don't be afraid of looking stupid. Don't limit yourself because of what other people may or may not think of you. Most people are too busy thinking about themselves anyhow. Stay open. Stay curious. Give the benefit of the doubt when you can. Assume good intent. Most people are good people.

Your emotions, and thoughts are a part of you. Not the whole. Listen to them. They are teachers. They are another type of guide. Sometimes where they are guiding you isn't clear at first. Sit with them. Accept them. Especially the difficult emotions. Guilt is normal and functional. We all mess up. We all do bad things. If you feel guilty. Make amends if you can. More important still is to learn and forgive yourself. Don't waste the lesson by living in shame. There is nothing shameful in either of you. Feel guilt for sure. Do better. Forgive. Move on. Anger is to move you. Let it move you. Sadness gathers close people to help. Life is a moving ever flowing thing. Move with it. When your seeing from a higher perspective you'll know because it will feel amusing, calm, and interconnected.

Okay, enough with the don't and cautionary takes. Some Dos to keep in mind.

Do forgive often

Do eat good food

Do for yourself

Do for others

Do what makes you happy

Do laugh often

Do cry when your sad

The right things are simple. But simple isn't easy. If it was, everyone, and everything would be simple. Living things don't live in simplicity. Flaws make us alive and vital. Absolutes only exist in theory and in the mind. Look around you and you'll see complexity and imperfection, is a breathing thing. A living thing. A human thing.

Life is messy and complicated. The paths through it are not always clear. When in doubt look inside. When lonely find your friends. Breath deeply. Showing up is hard, but important. Dare to be present, real, and honest. Because you have people in your corner, always. Even in solitude you are never alone. Live. Love. Be grateful. Just be. Because you are exactly who you were meant to be. 

Love,

Mom