Concrete and Cringe

Concrete paths

Dandelions grow

Through cracks

Life finds ways

Smallness

One bite

One sip

Through the looking glass

Down the rabbit hole

Purple smoking jacket

Off to wonderland 

I'll dress for the occasion

Sweet baby Jesus!

Ethics and eccon

Doing right?

Just showing off?

Trip trip trip

Laugh and skip

Sing sing sing

Dance and dip

Dread it comes in waves

Book bans

Trad wives

Oversimplications

Algorithm

AI

Spin and lies

It makes something up

When it doesn't understand why

Overreach

If you don't trust people

You turn them into thieves

Moral high ground

Defenses

More to know

What is moral?

What is truth?

I suppose it's all point of view

But to suspend all judgement

May just make you

Nothing more than a loving fool

The proof is in action

Watch the rise

Daily bread

Rise from bed

Moving along

Right through the dread

Along this shiny thread

("Stop rhyming I mean it")

("Anybody want a peanut?")

How long do we wait to love ourselves? How long do we linger in shame? How to put a scattered mind together? Seal the cracks with gold. Strength in weakness. More for the cracks. More for the imperfection.

Take your time. Why the rush? Afraid of what you'll see, perhaps? We all are frightful. We all are beautiful and sometimes fucking broken. Admitting where your cracks are is painful. But all that really dies is the illusion of ego. The illusion of innocence. Maya dances such a dance. Dance with her. As if the dance was all that mattered. 

What troubles me is that we've created a society where there isn't dancing. Shit, some are too scared to even tap a foot in rhythm. Too many people feel that they have to defend their very right to exist. To be seen. To belong. How the fuck did we get here? How do i move differently? How to move joyfully? 

So afraid of our shadows. A shadow is just what blocks your light. It's an aspect of you. Another illusion. A trick of perspective. Not even all of you. Like mind, like body, emotion and thought. Just a part. It's not here to hurt you.

Well, getting off my soapbox. Because in all reality I'm far from acknowledging all my shadows. Far from an enlightened mind. However much I sometimes think I have the right of things. If I did I would just Be. If I did I wouldn't have such a hard time doing the right thing. I'm just another broken person who had to do a lot of work to figure out my feelings. Still working through them. I learned a lot through. I learned a lot from deconstructing my mysterious emotions. I understand them better than I would have otherwise.

It takes a lot for me to have confidence. If I doubt other people and things it's nothing compared to what happens inside of me. I have all the thoughts, memories, and hidden problems. Such evidence at my disposal to prove to myself that I don't belong. That I'm not worthy. What a self righteous hypocritical bitch. What a well intentioned disaster. Don't touch it you'll ruin everything. Oh, damn. Sometimes I swear a part of my brain is trying to kill the rest of me. But luckily I have made better friends with that part of myself. She is also just trying to help. In her strange way. But damn she gets loud sometimes. 

Everytime I share more, its painful. It's cringy. But it feels important. So I keep doing it. Because I know if I feel this way. I'm not special. I'm not alone. If my broken self belongs. So do you. Stay here. Do the things you would do as if nothing was holding you back. Don't apologize for existing. If you were gone people would miss you! You're needed and wanted just as you are.

Feeling so heartbroken. All I can do is cry today. I feel like we've been failing each other. All because we can't love ourselves. But we dust off. Lunch is needed. The house needs cleaning. The things of the day need doing. Oh shit, I totally forgot about my bread. Facepalm. Well I guess that's not happening today. 

All the love

From my broken heart,

Emily